10/2/2024 | 0 comments
Writober - what’s the word to convey deeply looking forward to something but also fearing it a little? That’s Writober for me. It’s a joy and then it’s a blinking cursor on a blank page that might as well be saying, “well? well? well? well? well? well? ...”
I heard this question on a podcast on the way home and the brain decided it wanted to do something with it. And this isn’t quite right but it’s something. And writing something is the name of the game so here we go.
How are you learning to be wild?
In between the sitting downs and being quiet,
learning to be polite and smile,
being seen and not heard,
how are you learning to be wild?
To laugh deeply
To love fully
To trust without reservations?
How are you learning to be wild?
In between respectfully I disagrees
I’m sorry buts
Biting your tongue to keep the peace
How are you learning to be wild?
To push back when it feels wrong
To push away when they’re too close
To scream because you want to
not because you have to
How are you learning to be wild?
To feel any way you want, whenever you want
To choose you sometimes
Not even all the time
Just
Sometimes
How are you choosing to be wild?
Oh, you’re not?
Yeah, I get that.
If you figure it out
Will you tell me?
Please
9/28/2024 | 0 comments
I noticed a couple of weeks ago that the site nor ExpressionEngine were loading correctly on Chrome. It looked fine in Safari and mobile platforms though. When this has happened in the past, it usually means the hosting company updated the php version and fixing the problem was a simple matter of reverting back to a previous php version while things magically synched up. This time around that didn’t work and that essentially exhausted my ability to trouble shoot the matter.
Since I don’t post very often, while the brokenness bugged me, it wasn’t enough to get me to worry too much about it.
Until today. Why today? Well, with October just days away that means that Writetober is around the corner. For those of you not familiar with Writetober, that’s when, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in October, you write something, anything and share it with the fine folks participating in the monthly exercise. This is done via email but for years I also posted the some of the writing exercises on the blog. So, with that motivation firmly in mind, I set about reinstalling EE. I’d decided if that didn’t do the trick I’d finally switch to WordPress. I keep thinking I should because I have this idea that it would be less of a hassle to maintain. Why I think this, I’m not sure since I’ve never actually used WP enough to be familiar with it. The few times I’ve tested it out, I’ve not gotten past being confused as to how to update templates. A fact that embarrasses me seeing as how I pride myself in being a little bit tech savvy.
Regardless, the install fixed the problem but created others. Because of course.
I’ll repost some old entries - the good thing about inconsistently blogging for the past couple of years is that reposting content won’t take very long. Silver linings and all that jazz.
But at least things are working well enough to actually be able to post something so that’s the main thing. Gotta be happy with the little things because sometimes (often?) you only get little things coming your way.
7/3/2024 | 0 comments
I’ve always thought about family - what it is, what we learn from it, how we survive it. This hasn’t changed since becoming a parent. Now I think about what kind of family I’m building for my daughter. More than ever I wish we had more extended family in the area because I imagine that only having me for most of the time must be lacking. She’s only five so of course she hasn’t said much about the matter. But she’s a smart, observant kid and occasionally I’ll get questions about why she doesn’t have siblings or father. Somehow in picking a daycare I seem to have chosen one where it seems as if we’re the only single parent household. I could be wrong, obviously, and it’s not as if I can stop each parent I see to ask. But in the 3 years we’ve been there all I seem to see are 2 parent homes (and each traditional in the mom/dad variety).
Family is an interesting thing if you think about it. I made a choice to become a parent but at no point did I poll the other family members to ask if they were interested in becoming an aunt or uncle. That my mother was ready to be a grandparent is such a cliche that it’s not even worth mentioning.
I often wonder if I’d had a more functional upbringing, if these questions would even occur to me. A more stable, happy childhood would maybe have wired my brain to not even question that of course family is always happy and ready to expand. Which isn’t to say, of course, that people in any way resent their new roles. But it is a curious thing, especially in this day and age where we are all learning the importance of consent to say, hey, you had no say in this but now you have to be the best aunt/uncle ever!
I’m told I’m weird to think these things.
But I’ve been told I’m weird all my life so this is nothing new.
I don’t know that this is the most articulate post ever, it may not make any sense at all. It will do for now. From the moment I started blogging 24 years ago, I’ve struggled in deciding what and how much to share. So many years later and that hasn’t changed. And yet, I still have this desire to have this online home. Weird. So we’ll see. At the rate I’m writing, I’m probably on track to post about 3 times a year. Makes you wonder what I get out of this, if anything. Maybe that will be the focus of the third post. I suppose we’ll have to see…
12/30/2023 | 0 comments
I’m working my way through two books right now (L is for Lawless and The Last Action Heroes) but I’m not likely to finish either by tomorrow night so now is as good a time as any to post the results of my 2023 Goodreads Challenge. I set a goal of reading 40 books in 2023 - I read 62 books in total. I had also set a goal of at least half of those books being physical books. This was an attempt at working my way through the 900+ physical books I own. I didn’t do so well with this goal as only one of the books I read this year was a physical book (Lessons in Chemistry). Not only was it a physical book but it was a hardcover at that. I don’t tend to buy/read hardcovers as they are expensive and unwieldy but I’m also not about to say no to gifted books. Oh, there’s also the third, shadow goal that’s been haunting me for ages - which is to finish The Brothers Karamazov. That also didn’t go so well. As we know (or I do but you probably don’t because why would you remember such a thing?) the farthest I’ve ever gotten is about 300 pages but my reading of the book is so sporadic that with the latest attempt, I had to start over and I’ve only gotten to page 116.
Of the 3 goals I crushed 1 so around these parts that’s a win. Why? Because I make the rules and of course the rules are going to fall in my favor.
Now, to the rest of the books, the full list is below.
The highs and lows of my reading year:
Favorite read: Lessons in Chemistry. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the book and that the fantasy aspects of the story didn’t throw me. In fact, though many people online seem to find the following annoying, yes, my favorite character in the book was the dog. What can I tell you? A smart puppy is hard to resist. Remarkably Bright Creatures came in a close second. Hmm. Sensing a theme here as this book was about a smart octopus. Maybe I need to look into reading more books about smart animals?
Did Not Finish: But, Patricia, you may say, you put down a lot of books, how can this possible be a sensible category? Well, I’m a moody reader, yes, so I do tend to flit from book to book as the mood hits. But sooner or later I do finish the books. But The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins is one I have zero intention of picking back up again. I listened to the review of the movie on NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour and it piqued my interest enough to borrow the book from the library. I read about 40 pages but I lost interest. It turns out I have little interest in learning how Coriolanus Snow came to be the evil president of Panem. I was interested enough to pull up the Wiki entry and read the summary, however. After reading that, I don’t feel as if I’ve missed out on anything by choosing to not go back to the book.
Most Annoying Books I Still Feel Compelled to Read: For this year this has to go to the Finlay Donovan series. I understand that if characters always made the right and safe choice that there would be no book but the decisions the main characters make in this book are so preposterous it makes you wonder how they manage to get dressed each morning never mind navigate the rest of their lives. That said, I still fully intend on reading the fourth book in the series when it comes out early in 2024.
Books that I Enjoyed in the Past but Have No Memory* of so Am Rereading: I’m working my way through the ABC series by Sue Grafton. Aside from the fat shaming I didn’t remember being so prominent in some of the books, I’m enjoying having Kinsey Milhone in my life again. Still makes me sad she didn’t get to end the series but am happy we got all the way to Y. *Slight exaggeration. I remember the salient points - she’s a detective, etc but actual details of each case escape me. I’m at L right now and the cases still don’t ring many bells. I’m curious to see how far I get into the series before the memory really kicks in. I also re-read the first three of the Children of Earth series because I get the urge to do that every once in a while. In 2022 I also started rereading the Lucas Davenport books by John Sandford. For the same reason as the Grafton books - I really enjoyed this series years ago but it’s been so long since I read the beginning of the series that I don’t remember much of the story details.
For my 2024 goals, I think I’ll up the number of books to 50. I’m going to keep the other two because I’m clearly a hopeless optimist. 2024 is the year I finish The Brothers Karamazov! And if not, then there’s always 2025! 😊
What was your favorite read of the year?
Full Reading List
- The Other Family, Loretta Nyhan
- Big Chicas Don’t Cry, Annette Chavez Macias
- Desert Star (Renée Ballard, #5; Harry Bosch, #24; Harry Bosch Universe, #36), Michael Connelly
- Lessons in Chemistry, Bonnie Garmus
- K is for Killer, Sue Grafton
- Twice a Quinceañera, Yamile Saied Méndez
- L.A. Weather, María Amparo Escandón
- J is for Judgement, Sue Grafton
- Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun (Finlay Donovan, #3), Elle Cosimano
- Finlay Donovan Knocks ‘Em Dead (Finlay Donovan, #2), Elle Cosimano
- Finlay Donovan Is Killing It (Finlay Donovan #1), Elle Cosimano
- I is for Innocent, Sue Grafton
- H is for Homicide, Sue Grafton
- A Very Typical Family, Sierra Godfrey
- Girl, Forgotten (Andrea Oliver, #2), Karin Slaughter
- The Banned Bookshop of Maggie Banks, Shauna Robinson
- Last Breath (Good Daughter, #0.5), Karin Slaughter
- By the Book (Meant to Be, #2), Jasmine Guillory
- Pieces of Her, Karin Slaughter
- How to Be a Husband, Tim Dowling
- Cleaning the Gold (Jack Reacher, #23.6; Will Trent, #8.5), Karin Slaughter
- The Good Daughter (The Good Daughter, #1), Karin Slaughter
- The Silent Wife (Will Trent, #10), Karin Slaughter
- Dark Angel (Letty Davenport, #2), John Sandford
- The Last Widow (Will Trent, #9), Karin Slaughter
- The Kept Woman (Will Trent #8), Karin Slaughter
- Advanced Physical Chemistry (Chemistry Lessons, #3), Susannah Nix
- Unseen (Will Trent, #7), Karin Slaughter
- Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, Gabrielle Zevin
- Criminal (Will Trent, #6), Karin Slaughter
- Fallen (Will Trent, #5), Karin Slaughter
- If the Shoe Fits (Meant to Be, #1), Julie Murphy
- Snatched (Will Trent, #5.5), Karin Slaughter
- Romantic Comedy, Curtis Sittenfeld
- Part of Your World (Part of Your World, #1), Abby Jimenez
- Broken (Will Trent, #4), Karin Slaughter
- Undone (Will Trent, #3), Karin Slaughter
- Beyond Reach (Grant County, #6), Karin Slaughter
- Faithless (Grant County, #5), Karin Slaughter
- Remarkably Bright Creatures, Shelby Van Pelt
- Intermediate Thermodynamics (Chemistry Lessons, #2), Susannah Nix
- Pretty Girls, Karin Slaughter
- Fractured (Will Trent, #2), Karin Slaughter
- Kisscut (Grant County, #2), Karin Slaughter
- Blindsighted (Grant County #1), Karin Slaughter
- Fleishman Is in Trouble, Taffy Brodesser-Akner
- Love, Loss, and What We Ate: A Memoir, Padma Lakshmi
- A Man Called Otto, Fredrik Backman
- My Year of Rest and Relaxation, Ottessa Moshfegh
- Triptych, Karin Slaughter
- Heat 2, Michael Mann
- The American Roommate Experiment (Spanish Love Deception, #2), Elena Armas
- Ms. Demeanor, Elinor Lipman
- The Unhoneymooners (Unhoneymooners, #1), Christina Lauren
- The Mammoth Hunters, Jean Auel
- The Valley of Horses, Jean Auel
- Clan of the Cave Bear, Jean Auel
- Dating Dr. Dil, Nisha Sharma
- Sudden Prey, John Sandford
- Crying in H Mart, Michelle Zauner
- Fatty Fatty Boom Boom: A Memoir of Food, Fat, and Family, Rabia Chaudry
- The Book Haters’ Book Club, Gretchen Anthony
9/6/2023 | 0 comments
In 2014 I was fortunate enough to be able to move in with friends to cut down on costs. This was much needed because the multiple cross country moves, being unemployed for a brief period and, yes, some questionable financial decisions had left me with more debt than I was comfortable carrying. By then I knew I would be trying to grow my family at some point and I couldn’t imagine embarking on that journey with such a financial deficit hanging over my head. Thankfully I had Sam around who didn’t mind taking in a hermit for a roommate.
So that’s the quick background. Let’s fast forward a bit to 2015 and the cancer diagnosis and treatment. As we know, since this isn’t a ghost typing this, the surgery took care of the physical problem. But I was left emotionally, uhm, not well let’s say. So I turned to the time honored therapy known as retail therapy. Which you might think was counter productive given my goal of paying down debt. But my expenses were so minimal (I mean, Sam even let me use his car when I didn’t feel like renting one) that I was able to make significant dents to the debt and still buy an embarrassing amount of clothes. And I do mean embarrassing.
There was a period where I don’t think a day went by when there weren’t multiple packages waiting for me in front of my bedroom door.
And if you’re a woman or a person who is always thinking she needs to lose weight you’ll likely connect with the idea of buying motivational clothing. The thing that’s one or two (or in my brain addled drepessed state, three or four) sizes too small because you’re going to lose the weight and it’s 80% off so practically free so how can you not buy it!?!*
So yeah. This means I have a closet and several storage bins full of really pretty clothes that is essentially my own personal store.
All this rambling brought to you by the fact that some recent weight loss (please don’t mention it. I don’t share that for any acknowledgment.) had me dipping into my clothes stash. I was able to add 8 (!) new skirts and 3 new dresses to my wardrobe. That’s both fun and also a little cringey. I acknowledge that.
And this also means I can go through and see what doesn’t fit and either donate it or put it aside for alterations.
So, yeah. That’s my Friday so far. I took the day off because I’m tired and I could. I may go to the movies later. I don’t know. I gotta check to see what the matinee prices are. Those silly things never go on clearance, huh? 🤪🤪
*Despite the loss of rational thinking, I only purchased things that were final clearance. If it wasn’t at least 75% off I didn’t consider it. That was some of the justification and that I was still on track according to my debt reduction spreadsheet meant at the time I felt okay about it all. Because, hey, cancer! Whatever, etc etc.
